After the arrival of a baby (more if not the first), small dramas may appear such as: Am I going to be a good father / mother? Are we going to be able to move it forward? Will I be able to cover all his/her basic needs? These are examples of what goes through our heads in these circumstances, but there is an equally important issue that raises mixed feelings, such as the free time we have left for our free disposition: hobbies, relaxation or social life.
There are those who suffer a lot for losing such coveted freedom of movement, while other people minimize this fact and get ready for their new life by displacing fears for something they consider irrelevant at those times.
Both people are "wrong"
While it is true that, with the arrival of the baby, time is transformed and everything becomes secondary, after a certain period, people in charge of a new member in the family will need escape routes: both those who have suffered from the decrease (when not suppressing) of his/her free time, as someone who does not directly contemplate that as a responsible person he/she needs or deserves those moments, hours, etc. for its free disposal.
It's a question of attitude: after all it's about being right with yourself to be able to give the best to the others (see previous post); from here comes the "error" of those people, whether they are fathers or mothers, who sacrifice everything for their baby. They do not see that from time to time, a certain distance, far from being something abominable, is necessary to recharge batteries. The error in the other type of people (those who suffer for their free time), is precisely the opposite: not being able to see that, with a little organization, they do not have to completely renounce those activities that free them from tensions and make them enjoy.
One thing is clear, and one must not transmit a wrong message; first is the first and anything else is secondary, but we should not forget the advantages of disconnecting from time to time.
Ways to disconnect
When talking about disconnection, we must take into account a few premises: sometimes, it is not a matter of leaving the baby with someone, either a relative or a person who is hired as a babysitter, to be able to unleash your hobbies: according to the nature of these, the ideal is to be able to share them with the baby. In this way, at the same time we do not give up what life gives us, a way of escape, we do not refuse to do it with our new mini-I, who maybe we can go little by little instilling a hobby.
Also, and following this line, it is not essential that during leisure time, the baby and both parents are always together. Sometimes, what is good is to "disconnect" from the couple and go for fun with the child. This, in addition to "releasing" one of the two responsible for the care of the baby, even for a while, will allow the "released" person to dedicate time to their hobbies as well, especially when both do not have the same ways of leisure.
The same can be applied to finding time to go out with friends. Obviously, if what you want is to go drinking after a good dinner, you will not take the baby, but there are many other activities that can be done, and that, in addition to allowing you to spend quality time with your child (this is really disconnection, not acting all the time as a parent, but also as a friend, companion), they will get the baby to be in contact with other people and begin to weave the foundations of their future social life.
But on the other hand, you also have to know how to reserve space for yourself, to share with your partner and not to neglect friendships. In the first case, it will be enough to coordinate with dad or mom, in the second, with the family when possible or baby care professionals, and for the third of the situations, mix both procedures: that is, if friends are only from one of the parents, it will be enough to leave the baby in charge of the other parent (always looking for a balance and being aware that another day will be the other way around). If the stay is with friends of the family, it will be necessary to resort to third parties.
Obviously, not everything is as simple as explained here, but as we said at the beginning, it is a matter of attitude, to put all the options on a scale so that it shows the best possible balance, and without having to do many pirouettes :)
And you, how do you do it to have these necessary moments of disconnection?